


Rue

by orphan_account



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Korrasami - Freeform, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Songfic, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:14:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26478547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Korra hated baths for a lot of reasons that she couldn't explain, but Asami needs her to take care of herself.
Relationships: Korra/Asami Sato
Comments: 1
Kudos: 129





	Rue

**Author's Note:**

> Post S3 E13, Venom of the Red Lotus. Set between S3 and S4
> 
> Insipired by the song Rue by Girl in Red (and a lot of experience based on myself).

_  
I remember you couldn't stop crying  
You found me when I thought I was dying_ _  
Believe me when I say  
I tried so hard to change_  
  
“Korra!”  
  
Someone was calling for her. She didn’t know who it was, or where it’s coming from—she couldn’t see anything in this dark, endless pit she was drowning in. She used to be scared, when it first started. She couldn’t see, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move— she didn’t know how to get out of there. But as the time go by, as they become more frequent and sometimes rather violent—she became used to it.  
  
Did she know how to get out of there? No. She didn’t. But she didn’t care much about it, either. It’s better to just stay in the dark and let herself drown rather than fighting it. She was too tired and hopeless to fight the never ending void. Heck, she couldn’t even fight her own thoughts.  
  
So, there she is.  
  
“Korra!” There’s that voice again. It’s accompanied with something grabbing on her arms, now. Her eyes shot open in surprise. _No_. That felt way too real.  
  
“Korra, wake up!” Someone was holding— _shaking_ –her body, now. There was a cold hand pressing on her cheek, desperate to get to her. Korra tried to wake up, but she couldn’t.  
  
Wake up. _Wake up?  
_  
Oh, it’s a dream.  
  
Oh. _Oh._  
  
_Fuck, Korra, wake up, it’s a dream! It’s a dream, it’s not real! Wake up—  
  
_—she woke up to her wheezing breaths and a dark room. Her vision was hazy at first, and her head was throbbing—it felt like she had been forcefully pulled out from the void. The only source of light was from the open window, where the city’s skyline glimmers with little dots of yellow lights. And on her side, there was Asami, hand on her cheek, tears pooling in her eyes.  
  
“I… ‘Sami?” She squints her eyes to look at her. “What…”  
  
“Korra,” Asami sighs in relief, looking down to wipe her tears. “I—I was scared, you were—”  
  
“You’re crying,” Korra reached up weakly, straining her arm in order to reach Asami’s cheek. She held her for a while before her arm drops back to bed against her will. God, she was so weak. She hated it.  
  
Korra shook her head and tried to look at Asami again. She could only see her dark hair blocking her face as she looked down. There’s a wet in her hand, from where she held Asami—was it… tears? Why was she crying? “Asami? Are you okay?”  
  
_All the crazy shit I made you do_ _  
The long nights you held me through  
Believe me when I say  
I could never be saved  
Be saved.  
_  
“Yeah,” Asami shook her head before looking up at her with a wry smile. “You… you were. You were whimpering and crying, it was just—it was scary. But I’m okay.” She took a deep, shaky breath before continuing her sentence. “I was just back. I’m sorry I left you earlier, I had to take care of—”  
  
“—it’s okay,” Korra cuts her off. Asami didn’t have to apologize. She shouldn’t feel guilty. She doesn’t deserve it. “I understand. I was sleeping, anyway.”

She nods at that. “I know… it’s just—were you sleeping all day?”  
  
Korra didn’t dare to look at Asami’s face when she nodded at her question. She knew Asami didn’t ask that to make her feel guilty, but she couldn’t help it. Here she was, the fucking avatar, and she’s wasting time sleeping all day in her room. Weak and battered and fragile.  
  
“Did you… have you eaten anything at all?” Asami asks. “I had some of Pema’s dumplings, do you want me to—“  
  
“It’s fine,” Korra lied through her teeth. “I ate before you came back.”  
  
“Oh, okay. That’s great.” Asami nods, running her hand along Korra’s damp hair. They were quiet for a while—just the wind outside the window, the leaves rustling softly with it, and the distant sound of the ocean hitting the cliff.  
  
“Hey,” Asami spoke up. “Let’s take a bath.”  
  
It wasn’t a question, it was a statement. Asami knew how much she hated baths, or showers—anything that had to get her out of bed, or naked, or standing in front of a mirror. She hated them. Korra couldn’t understand why—she just does. But whether she liked it or not, she still needs to have them. And Asami—as much as she hated forcing Korra to do anything she doesn’t want to do—has to make her take care of herself.  
  
“It’ll be okay,” She assures when she saw the look in her face. “I promise. I’m here, remember?”  
  
“Yeah,” Korra nods reluctantly. “Okay.”  
  
“Alright,” Asami smiles, pressing a soft kiss into her temple before wrapping her arms around her. “Help?”  
  
Korra looks away from her. She could do this. She could walk to the bathroom—she could at least fucking stand up by herself. She _has_ to. Asami isn’t a stranger, yeah—she means it when she says that she’d trust her life on her. But Korra has her limit on being vulnerable around other people, even if it’s with her own parents. Her parents, Asami, her family—they’re all the people that she needed to protect. And letting them seeing her, _the avatar,_ not even being able to stand on her own…  
  
No.  
  
“I can do it,” Korra shook her head. “You can—you can start the bath while I’m at it.”  
  
“It’ll be easier if I—“  
  
“—no,” she snaps at her before sighing, trying to keep her emotions under control. _Not now, Korra. Not in front of Asami._ “I’m sorry, I just—I’ll be fine. I’ll walk on my own.” She says. Then added, “Please?”  
  
“Okay.” Asami sighs, nodding—Korra was thankful for the amount of patience and understanding she has. “I’ll be in the bathroom, alright? Call me if you need me.” She says, and with that, she left the room in a few quick steps.  
  
_Alright. Small steps, Korra. You can do this,_ Korra tells herself, holding onto one of the bedposts for support. She felt her muscles scream as she hauled herself up slowly—even with most of the poison gone, she still couldn’t walk and bend normally again. Some days, the pain was bearable. She could at least hobble around the house by herself without any help. And some days, the pain was too much that she couldn’t even stay awake longer than an hour.  
  
The worst part is that she doesn’t know when this circle of hell would end. She didn’t know if she could walk normally again, _bend_ normally again—what the hell is an avatar without their bending? Without even being able to walk? Useless. That’s it—she was a useless piece of shit. That’s what she is.  
  
_Yeah, I tried_ _  
To get it off my mind  
To leave it all behind  
Don't wanna make it worse  
I'm gonna make it work_  
  
_Come on, now, Korra. Focus,_ she scolds herself. Standing up was a pain in the ass, but walking was the real deal. The door towards the corridors looked so far away, now that she’s standing up. She wanted to call Asami for help—it would have been an easier way to end her pain. But no. She can do this, she _has to._  
  
_One step at a time. You can do this._  
  
It’s not easy, getting her feet to move forward—they were stiff as a wooden board. But you can hobble around with a wooden board. She could do it, even if she has to drag her own feet and screaming muscles around. So she did.  
  
When she finally reached the door, she was wheezing and holding to the door frame for dear life, careful not to fall and cause a commotion. The hallways were dimly lit, and it was so quiet that Korra could hear the sound of the Sky Bisons bellowing from the distance. What time is it?  
  
“Korra?” She heard Asami call for her. “Are you okay?”  
  
“I—yeah.” She answers. “I’m okay. I’m almost there.”  
  
“Okay. I’ve got the bath ready for us.”  
  
“I’m coming.”  
  
_Just a few more steps, Korra. Almost there. Almost there._ She dragged her feet to begin moving again as she let go of the doorframe. But she was too tired—white spots starts appearing in her eyes. Her head was throbbing, and her muscles ached so bad that it felt like they were burning. She only managed to call Asami quickly before she braced herself to fall face first into the floor—  
  
“Korra!” Asami’s hands caught her shoulder just before she landed, saving her from a broken nose and who-knows-what-else.  
  
“Fuck,” Korra curses, disappointed on herself once again. “I’m sorry. Fuck, fuck—I was almost there, ‘Sami—”  
  
“I know, love,” Asami says softly, hauling her up as she kissed her temple. “I know, I know. You did so good for today. We’ll try again tomorrow, yeah?”  
  
“We’ll try again tomorrow” was one of Asami’s favorite words. She says that to everyone, when they fail—her friends, her co-workers, Tenzin’s children—it was her way to assure them that it was okay to make mistakes. That they could always try again tomorrow.  
  
But what if there was no tomorrow? What if, out of the blue, there was an enemy that the avatar needed to fight, people she needed to protect—and she wasn’t here? The fucking avatar couldn’t even save herself.  
  
_Yeah, I tried_ _  
To get it off my mind  
To leave it all behind  
Don't wanna make it worse  
I'm gonna make it work  
_  
By the time Asami helped her sit down on the toilet’s closed lid, she was crying.  
  
Korra allowed herself to cry, but never in front of anyone. It was like a deal she made to herself—no weakness in front of anyone. Not even in front of herself, in the mirror—god, she fucking _hated_ mirrors. She never wanted to see herself in one ever again. She kept her eyes on the floor while Asami helped her out of her clothes—her fingers so gently touching her skin as if she was handling a fragile piece of glass, afraid to break her. Korra wanted to scream.  
_  
_ “Korra,” Asami says softly, almost in a whisper, “Korra, you’re shaking.”  
  
She was. She didn’t know why, but she was. Maybe it was the cold? She wasn’t wearing anything, anyway—it must have been the cold. Asami continued touching her gently, stroking the side of her cheek with that look on her eyes—pity, is that it? Korra wanted to throw up.  
  
“Baby, deep breaths. You’re going to be okay.” Asami coaxes, her hand now moving to rub her shoulder blades. “It’s okay. I’m here.”  
  
“Mirror,” Korra manages to choke out. “I don’t—I don’t want to see it.”  
  
“Oh. Alright, I’ve got you. I’ve got you.” Asami nods, and Korra was thankful that she didn’t ask further about it. She walks to the other side of the bathroom, took a towel with her, and covered the mirror with it. “Are you ready to get in the bath, now?” she asks when she walked back to her side. “I’ll help you up. Whenever you’re ready.”  
  
Korra forced a nod. “Okay.”  
  
Asami wraps her arms around her body, helping her up and carefully led her to the edge of the bathtub. She felt so exposed, especially with Asami on her side, touching her, holding her. It was beginning to get uncomfortable. Korra wanted say something about it, but as always, those words were caught up in her throat and never made it out. What was she going to say, anyway? She didn’t want to hurt and burden Asami more than she already has.  
  
_I remember you stayed up all night_ _  
To make sure I was alright  
Believe me when I say  
I would have done the same  
_  
She stepped into the tub as Asami undressed beside her, hugging her knees to cover most of her body. The warm water was okay—it a bit was comforting, at least. But the rest of it—the undressing, the walking, avoiding the mirror—it was too much for her. Everything was too much, these days. She’d rather sleep. She’d rather sleep over it all, so she doesn’t have to feel anything, both physically and emotionally. She'd rather sleep forever.  
  
But of course she couldn’t do that. Of course she couldn’t. How would her parents live without her? How would Tenzin and Pema and their family and Lin and Kya feel? How would Mako and Bolin and Asami, god, _Asami_ —  
  
“Hey.” Asami cuts off her thoughts as she stepped into the tub behind her. The water splashes around, and then her hand was on her shoulder, bringing her closer. “C’mere. Let me wash your hair.”  
  
Korra obeys her without saying a word. Asami gathers and smooths her wet hair, applying some shampoo into them and starts gently massaging her head. She wonders what she did to deserve this from Asami—why does she love her so much? It doesn’t make any sense. Sure, they were friends—lovers, now weren’t they? She doesn’t even know anymore. Asami didn’t want to push the things between them, of course—she’s waits for her, so very patiently, Korra wonders how much patience she has. But even Korra couldn’t wait around for long. Asami loved her, and Korra loved her back—and so they were lovers. Because the truth is, she doesn’t know how much time she has, either.  
  
_I hate the way my brain is wired_ _  
Can't trust my mind, it's such a liar  
Believe me when I say  
I can't carry the weight_.  
  
She felt Asami kiss her shoulder gently. “Hey. You’re going to be okay, you know that, right?”  
_  
_ Korra shook her head. “I don’t know, Asami. I don’t know.”  
  
“I’m here,” she assures, rocking her slowly. “I’m here. We’re all here for you, Korra. I promise.”  
  
“But I’m not there for you.” Korra whispers.  
  
“Korra,” Asami chides softly, “it doesn’t matter. You always have been, Korra. You’ve always been there for all of us. For _me_. Just for once, let us be there for _you.”_  
  
“But I’m the avatar. My job is to be there for other people—”  
  
“—no. You’re the avatar, yeah—but sometimes you forget that you’re a human too, you know?” She cuts her off. “You’re a human who’ve been through so much, Korra. It’s okay to not always be there for other people. _It’s_ _okay._ I’ll here for you until you’re ready again.” Asami led her head to lay against her chest gently as she continued, “I mean, sure, you’re the avatar and all that—but you’re still someone’s daughter. Someone’s friend. Someone’s student. Someone’s family. Someone’s _girlfriend,”_ She says, pressing her lips against her temple once again. “Remember that, Korra.”  
  
Asami’s words remind her mother’s words, when she would sneak outside the White Lotus compound to see her parents years ago. It was a nice memory—just her happily being the avatar, training, preparing herself. She was bending, walking, she was _feeling_ things. She missed all of it. “You remind me of my mom.” Korra tells her.  
  
“I do?” Asami asks her, sounding a little surprised. She had met Senna a few times, and she seems like a very loving mother—but she had never really thought of herself being _compared_ to her. “How?”  
  
“When I was younger, I would sneak out from the White Lotus compound where I was trained to see my parents. And—my mom, she’d always say, ‘you might be the avatar, but you’re still my daughter.’ She usually uses it to make me do chores, of course, but I don’t mind.” Korra chuckled at that.  
  
“She sounds lovely.” Asami smiles, happy that Korra at least remembered something that made her laugh. “Do you… do you miss them? Your parents?”  
  
“Yeah. A lot.”  
  
“We could see them, some day. Just the two of us, on a trip. How does that sound?” She asks.  
  
“Some day?”  
  
“You know, like, in the future.”  
  
“The future.” Korra repeats. Those words sounds weird, coming out of her mouth. She’s never imagined the future before—it was scary, just thinking about it. She didn’t know what would happen beyond this dark pit that she was in—she didn’t know if she could ever get out of this all. But the hope… hoping sounds good. She could hope. “The future.”  
  
“Yeah.” Asami says. “Not today. But maybe one day.”  
  
_Not today. But maybe one day._  
  
She won’t walk today. But maybe one day, she will. Maybe one day she’ll bend again. Feel something again. Be happy and content as being the avatar again. Not today, of course. But maybe one day. “Yeah." She mutters, settling her head on Asami's chest. "Maybe one day.”

"I hope so," Asami smiles, nuzzling her nose into her neck. "I love you." 

"I love you too."  
  
Hope. She could live with that.  
  


**Author's Note:**

> If you like my fics, please consider checking [this](https://lesbian-arsonist-blog.tumblr.com/post/629325455315566592) out !! :


End file.
